How to be loved

I’ve talked in previously about making a great first impression: Smile, make eye contact, be engaging. But first impressions can also quickly lose their impact, especially when there’s no substance beneath the veneer. Being genuinely likable over the long term is tougher. Building and maintaining great relationships, consistently influencing others in a good way and making people feel better about themselves, those are things relatively few people can do.

But you can, because being likeable is not about how successful you are or how you dress or how you present yourself but really is all about how you behave in your interactions with people. How can you be more likable, in a sincere and authentic way?

• Give before you receive, knowing that you may never receive.

Never focus on what you can get out of it, but what you can provide. Giving is a great way to establish a real connection and relationship, whereas if you focus on what you can get out of the other person it demonstrates that the only person that matters is you!

• Listen three times more than you talk

Ask questions, nod, maintain eye contact, smile, frown in both verbal and non verbal ways. This shows the other person they are important and worth listening to. Listening shows you care a lot more than offering advice does, because when you offer advice, in most cases, you make the conversation about you. Only speak when you have something important to say – and always define important as what matters to the other person, not to you.

• Shift the focus to the other person

No one ever gets enough praise. Therefore one of the easiest ways to be likable is to tell people what they did well. If you don’t know what they did well? Shame on you — it’s your job to know. Not only will people appreciate your praise, they’ll appreciate the fact you care enough to pay attention to what they do. And then they’ll feel a little more accomplished and a lot more important, and they’ll love you for making them feel that way.